Why Mid-Life Dads Are Burnt Out (And It’s Not Your Business or Marriage)

00:00 Men, what is burnout? Why are dads struggling? What is the experience of life that so many men are missing out on. We're irritable, tired, relationship struggling, stressed out at work wanting the life that we desire to be better but not really knowing quite how we got to the place where we're at today it's about flipping a switch and getting you back to being the man and dad you want to be role theme Welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show, where modern dads discover how to create the true riches relationships and results they deserve. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!

00:48 Hello men, welcome to The Jonnie Jensen Show. It's great to have you back here whether you're listening or watching for the first time or back as a subscriber or follower then it's absolutely brilliant to have you here this episode today we're going to dig into a topic around birth The Jonnie Jensen Show, Jonnie Jensen I'll share with you a couple of conversations, obviously not mention anyone's names but a couple of conversations that I've had over the last 10 days with men talking to me about being part of the High Value Man Project and what they're experiencing. Thinking that it's about their job or thinking its about their relationship

01:41 Not really realizing that those things, you know of course we could change the job. We could change the relationship but those things are more or less outside of our control so long as we have optimized ourselves We get to focus on ourselves, to make the results. To get the change that we desire it all comes from us because you can't expect her to be different or a relationship to do better. You can't expect the job to be okay or the job to be fulfilling if fundamentally your Broken, broken on the inside. Burnt out exhausted because that's what happens when people leave a job and find out the next one is just as crap or break up with the person go through the trouble of all that brings only to find themselves in another rubbish relationship you see it's about you it has always been about you and that's what we have to realize

02:37 You know, we have a number of frameworks obviously coaching principles inside the High Value Man Project that address this. This week we've launched our new High Value Man Scorecard which you can go and access at highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score it's it does what says on the tin It's a number of quick questions that give you an result at the end of it It's a podcast that I've been doing for the last year and a half. And it's all about how you're performing in each area of the fire code, which is your focus. That's you, your impact, that's money and work, your relationships speaks for itself but not just at home but your friends and family, your mentors and network as well.

03:24 In your life, you're showing up and functioning at an optimum level. And where you are struggling where it's not working now where you're getting into what we call the low value death spiral. We're going to talk about those things today because when you can recognize that you're in the low value death spiral, you can do something about it. You can take responsibility for it and not like an additional burden or extra thing to do. That's where so many Men struggle with coaching or with taking on a new I'm Reset, you know an upgrade to your operating system. Our phones get upgrades all the time and we should be the same if you're not looking at how you're showing up if they're not looking at how your functioning then how do you possibly expect to keep moving forward? That expression of If you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards. And if you're not learning and evolving then you have to be moving backwards

04:51 So it's really important to realize that our body is a machine. I had an, a really awesome guy on the podcast this week called Oliver Anwar he'll be coming up in a few episodes time as one of the guest experts and it's really interesting because he works with CEOs lives out in Dubai like a really cool guy his root in is fitness. He's talking about Weight loss and body programs, workouts. But the overall result is in the same ballpark it's in the same area as The High Value Man Project because what we're doing is where that comes back to that word optimizing, we're optimizing the whole system

05:34 If you put petrol in a diesel car, it breaks. If you're a race car that goes into a pit stop and only gets one tyre replaced then you won't have enough fuel, you needed a new spoiler, you need all four tyres changed the driver needed his visor wiping there's like a lot of stuff that needs tweaking and improving so that you can go out and win the race And when we talk about that machinery side of it, you've got to understand that it's not just about hustle and you slogging your guts out. It's about the machinery of our bodies because when we're fit and healthy yes! We should be more energized and look better feel better in our mind but it's not a miraculous like if you do enough workouts you'll get this stuff...it's about body chemistry

06:27 So when we're exercising, we're resetting. We're de-stressing our mind, we're exercising our muscles. We're creating fatigue but we're also creating the feel good and reward chemicals that our body needs to thrive so serotonin, the endorphins they're the ones that come from exercise dopamine the reward chemical you get for the experience of having completed a task feeling good about what you did and then when you keep doing those things The uptick. It's like a fuel tank that is being refilled, rather than you constantly draining it or running it on empty giving it little spikes of sugar or booze or weekend away like little hits hoping its going to be enough we've got to create a process that is sustainable that has you be and do and have the things that you desire because you can't just sit around waiting expecting to have them all feeling bad about not having them

07:31 How you show up and when you are, anybody knows the experience of coming back from a holiday and feeling good. If you do exercise, you will have the experience of going to the gym and feeling good. It's not just about the holiday Of course, holidays are nice. But what you have to realize and this is why it's so powerful and matters is that the experience of being on holiday, the relaxation, the fun, the connection with the people your with also are triggering and fueling those feel good chemicals. So it's a matter of biology, of neuroscience which I hope

11:17 But most importantly, cutting out the stress around finances and how you do that is you manage your finances. One of the worst things this happens to wealthy people just as much as people who are not quite where they want to be is that when finances aren't handled it's stressful working with a guy few months ago we were looking at his finances he was hemorrhaging about 10k a month in just stuff Cars and subscriptions and pocket money, people going out for dinner all the time. It was an excessive expense mainly because he didn't have a handle on it! When there's lots of open loops in our day-to-day life it creates stress and money is one of them. Struggling relationship as another one work that we're not enjoying when that loop isn't closed with constantly ruminating on it and worrying about it and wondering what they're gonna do next

12:13 It's really essential that we focus in these areas so those emotional loops get closed off. Okay, next up relationships I touched on this at the beginning but it's not just about your wife she didn't sign up to be your everything and the same really with kids when i talk to guys who are burnt out or struggling all their relationship is on the rocks they'll say to me my kids are my only joy if it wasn't for the kids i don't know what i would do but in reality whilst that Brilliant. It's what dads should be, it can't be your only thing because if you've got no social outlet, if you're not going out and having a laugh or doing things that you enjoy with others then who are you? Who do you get to be when you come back to your wife or when you come back to your kids? It's a heavy load not to have anything going on externally in your life and I see it in men so often working hard doing the family stuff being dad broken

13:12 Because they're completely devoid of fun and the connection with who they are and what they want to be. And so we look after those things, and then we get to be a better husband and a better dad Our family and friends, you know for me family is a huge priority. It's a core value so being connected with family matters and even if you're not connected with the family I could argue that that's okay but what i can't be with is if the relationship and connection with family is toxic because that is another open loop What can you do to close that off? What can you do to make it good? Not saying you have to become bosom buddies and loving and kind again but it's about that emotional loop being open

13:55 And the final part of the relationships is your mentor and network. Like who are you spending time with? Who are you getting around? What opportunities are coming to you, what ideas are you waking up with in the morning? It's fueled by the people that you connect with. Not everyone likes going networking I can't say i'm the biggest fan but getting into a good networking group people that you can relate to people that are up to the same sort of stuff as you will inevitably lead to results So, and obviously mentors that should speak for themselves. Don't be the smartest guy in the room! And then finally energy – the amount of fun adventure and peace that you've got going on in your life is absolutely essential when these four things are aligned everything starts to work it's the upward spiral of the high value man system for living It's the complete opposite, the antithesis if you like big words of the low-value death spiral have a look

14:53 If those four areas of your life are not optimised, you're going to feel crap. It's what so many men are missing out on in this day and age Take a 28 day resale, right? The FireTracker. The scorecard is free just go and do it right now will give you some indication along with this episode and the playbook that you can download the fire code playbook that you can download from inside the High Value Man Project That will give me something to go on £7 $10 everybody's got that anyway so get yourself into the twenty eight days and run the fire code in your life

15:30 Share it with other people, you know your brother your dad your mates. Explain to your wife what you're up to let her see let her get inspired about You making a stand for yourself first and foremost but for her in the family as well She's fed up with you being burnt out and negative and snappy and tired she's not happy with the relationship either One of the guys I was chatting to with the other day, we were talking about his relationship and you know there's stuff that's not right. There's stuff that's not like right or wrong. I mean, stuff is just not working right? But when we were talking about his workload over the last 10 years by the nature of his job he's worked 50 and 60 hour weeks now it's not that that's wrong

16:18 But you have to be really clear that she's on board with that and the experience of being family and being married, the unit that you've created. On one side is the pressure of 50-60 hour weeks on the other side has to be equal force, match to impact that it's having so your bringing in the good So yeah, I'm doing 50-60 hours weeks but look at how the rest of our life is structured and we both understand where we're at and what we're getting out of it. That's how she feels valued and supported and she can have confidence and faith in you because what shows up in relationships when that isn't there is intimacy disappears her sexual desire and drive towards you goes out the window when she doesn't feel safe and secure and supported It's an intrinsic part why relationships fail

17:12 So that's the power and the importance of sharing this with her and with other people in your life. The fire tracker came out of me rebuilding my life after divorce, when I finally had the time and energy and necessity actually to focus on myself more than those other people I consciously put this together based on all the knowledge and experience I'd had of my 25 years involved in personal development and coaching and leadership. It's madness that I wasn't running this system before, but the reason for that was that I was so conditioned to think that my family, my marriage, my business would be successful when I made sure that everybody else was alright

17:58 The reality is that if we're the foundation, if we are the baseline which we are as men in our families to our children and our wives. We are the foundation so we have to be solid. The focus on ourselves isn't selfish it's self-leadership because on the basis of those strong foundations you build everything else. It is masculinity 101. It is your core identity and when it's not in place You'll feel crap and there's a reason for that. Burnout doesn't just happen like you catch a cold, burnout happens because you're not looking after the machine that you live in so get yourself over there highvaluemanproject.com forward slash score

18:44 And there'll be all sorts of links available inside of that experience where you can book a power call with me. You can find out about Elite One-on-One, I am available to any man that wants to speak to me about making a shift, about making a breakthrough into the life that they desire rather than the one they feel stuck in. I hope this has been of value! Give it a share, get other people in your life on board the High Value Man project. Have them subscribe to The Jonnie Jensen Show and please number one request as we leave this is go and give me a review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It's a couple of clicks that'd be greatly appreciated I will see you on the next episode let's go! Thanks for tuning into The Jonnie Jensen Show Be sure to subscribe, leave a review and share it with fellow dads

19:38 Creating the life you deserve starts with you. Get your High Value Man blueprint and join our community of motivated modern dads at highvaluemanproject.com Let's go!